I have sat down no less than 10 times to try and write a post and failed, so here is a summary outline of the post I want to write but apparently can’t:
I am doing amazing wonderful work that is taking up a lot of time and energy.
This work is well aligned with my ideals and politics and personally, I’m really thriving.
But when you’ve set up your life to spend the bulk of your time together as a family, it’s unsurprising that things will suffer when you’re not spending as much time together.
Tonight I realized that I get frustrated when my kids turn to screens when I’m not engaging with them because I feel guilty about needing my own time.
So, even though I’m thriving in this new work that I’m doing around local food systems, I’m starting to recognize that it’s not possible to do this work long term because it’s causing friction (mostly just for me) with my fam.
Unpacking this more: it’s not my kids’ fault when they turn to the myriad of engaging online activities if I’m not engaging with them to do something offline.
It’s also not my fault for needing time to engage in activities that allow me to thrive.
Insert some comment about balance and flow and cycles around screen time/child parent engagement. It probably looks something like this.
I want to keep doing this fulfilling work but I probably will step down as we find other people to step in because I’ve committed myself to being with my kids while they are young.
I don’t blame myself. I don’t blame my kids. This isn’t how I thought we would be unschooling. There is no village. It is what it is. I can however, keep blaming late stage capitalism.
Moral of the story: Don’t blame yourself for struggling to exist in a collapsing socio-economic system. I love you all.
I feel you. Hard.