Screens vs Involvement

There is a pattern that I’ve noticed in unschooling that keeps rearing it’s head: parental involvement versus screen usage.

Now, know this when I say it: I could not parent let alone homeschool without Youtube and gaming. They are core parts of our lives and I am genuinely okay with this. But with all behaviour, there is a comfort limit and there is going beyond that limit. For me, beyond that limit results in binging on Youtube.

The cure to this binge seems to be increased involvement: urging kids to find new things to do, injecting some adult prescribed activity to break up the blocks of videos, sometimes even dragging kids outside to see the sun. As a parent, when I see the level of Youtube watching drop, I pat myself on the back and remember that I do have a modicum of control over my kids’ activities by strewing, participating, and encouraging.

What follows is a period of time where I inject myself into their days more regularly. I plan more outings and play dates. I write down more activities to do during the days. I buy more resources for activities (not something I usually do). As a result, we spend a good chunk of our day doing things together, which I really enjoy.

But inevitably, I get burnt out. I get tired of being a care giver first and a whole person second. My own projects get put on the backburner and I fall behind in other areas of life. I exercise less. I get less sleep.

Then I take a break and the kids go back to Youtube.

This graph moves in a cycle: back and forth, up and down the lines, trading off screen usage for a bit of self care, jumping back in to get them off Youtube as much. Today was the peak of the graph where Youtube became too much for me and I jumped in to do some different and new activities. (We set up ping pong ball trick shots for 2 hours.)

The punch line to this post is that, for me, it is okay to go through this cycle. A balanced spot in the middle of the graph would be sweet but it’s more likely that we will shift back and forth between the two peaks as the rest of life makes demands on time and energy and wellbeing.

Recognizing these cycles and patterns helps me normalize them so that I don’t freak out every time we hit the peak of the Youtube usage. I can acknowledge what’s happening and decide to take appropriate action without condemning our lives and losing my shit.

When my kids were young, we didn’t have this cycle: they were happy to participate with me in whatever I was doing throughout the day but that has changed, as I suspect this pattern will change as the kids grow older and find other interests.

What about you? Do you find that your family goes through similar cycles or patterns of behaviour like this? Do certain parts of the cycle cause undue stress? Or do you focus on finding that happy middle point of the graph?