My family has been unschooling for the last 5 years. It’s been a wild ride of highs and lows, and sometimes the hardest part is that there isn’t a manual or even real guidelines for how to go through this process with your kids. It’s largely the removal of curriculum that defines unschooling, but how that plays out in your family can look totally unique. My favourite unschooling friends centre things like consent and intersectionality in their unschooling practice, and I try to do the same, although sometimes it feels more like flailing through the universe than intentional parenting.
I love this perspective! I have two kids with anxiety, ranging from mild to intense. I’ve never thought about the conundrum of endless choice, although I have intentionally limited my own choices in our space, with my wardrobe, etc., simplifying all the things. I’ve read books like the paradox of choice and know the effects as a consumer, but I never considered it in the educational sphere.
Maybe anxiety (some of my kids and myself) is why a rhythm of reading aloud and gameschooling has been so comforting for our family, even though it started from relaxed homeschooling, not unschooling. When we switched to fully unschooling, we hung onto reading aloud and board games, leaving room for other interests in between.
I’m going to be thinking about this for a long time. Thank you for writing!
We were talking about exactly this topic in the larger MP circle! Great point about the need for safety and what that might look like for each of us. Having less choices definitely helps me feel safe. Someone mentioned the biological reasoning behind freezing when given too many options. It seems like evolutionarily, human's choices circled around survival more than preference. Yes, there was leisure and creativity but the options were restricted based on location. We only had access to a few colours, a few tools, select foods etc... I often wonder if it isn't us who are maladjusted to modern society but the society itself, completely off track from what humans desire and thrive on.
This is so important. And something I hadn’t thought of in this capacity. I knew my anxiety would play a role in our unschooling in some way, and this is a great jumping off point for me to start thinking about how we’ll manage it. Thank you!
Thank you for this! I relate to so much of what you brought up. Interesting because although I’ve been doing a lot of work on nervous system regulation and understanding our responses, I wasn’t really connecting it to anxiety. I am so grateful we found unschooling though because of the freedom/space we do have to figure this stuff out along the way.
"For someone with anxiety, those possibilities can feel like a threat. Endless choice can be a chokehold. So rather than exploring with wild imagination, the requirement to make decisions can trigger disregulation or even attacks. For me as a parent, this can be overwhelming!"
This is such an important point. I see this a lot in our self directed learning community, especially in those transitioning out of mainstream school or those who find comfort and security from direction and predictability from a supportive adult. Too much choice can cause fatigue and overwhelm. At home and in our learning community we hold a strong rhythm as our backbone to our day, this seems to help those who need more direction yet still feels open and full of choice for those who don't.
Thanks for raising these points, such a valuable take on things as always!
It is a conundrum we are also struggling with - husband wants to know exactly the day before what is going to happen to manage his anxiety around change, autistic eldest likes an idea of what could happen that he can choose from, PDA youngest can’t cope with any structure imposing but can’t decide for himself because of his anxiety. Feels hard to homeschool with all those different anxiety needs and that’s not including the anxiety I feel about ‘not doing it right’. We’re only a few months into our homeschooling journey so still working out what works for us but it seems that freedom and structure both cause issues so hopefully we can find a bit of a middle ground.
I love this perspective! I have two kids with anxiety, ranging from mild to intense. I’ve never thought about the conundrum of endless choice, although I have intentionally limited my own choices in our space, with my wardrobe, etc., simplifying all the things. I’ve read books like the paradox of choice and know the effects as a consumer, but I never considered it in the educational sphere.
Maybe anxiety (some of my kids and myself) is why a rhythm of reading aloud and gameschooling has been so comforting for our family, even though it started from relaxed homeschooling, not unschooling. When we switched to fully unschooling, we hung onto reading aloud and board games, leaving room for other interests in between.
I’m going to be thinking about this for a long time. Thank you for writing!
We were talking about exactly this topic in the larger MP circle! Great point about the need for safety and what that might look like for each of us. Having less choices definitely helps me feel safe. Someone mentioned the biological reasoning behind freezing when given too many options. It seems like evolutionarily, human's choices circled around survival more than preference. Yes, there was leisure and creativity but the options were restricted based on location. We only had access to a few colours, a few tools, select foods etc... I often wonder if it isn't us who are maladjusted to modern society but the society itself, completely off track from what humans desire and thrive on.
This is so important. And something I hadn’t thought of in this capacity. I knew my anxiety would play a role in our unschooling in some way, and this is a great jumping off point for me to start thinking about how we’ll manage it. Thank you!
Thanks for writing. I agree unschooling doesn’t always flow in a Pinterest worthy way, and we have to figure out how to pivot.
Thank you for this! I relate to so much of what you brought up. Interesting because although I’ve been doing a lot of work on nervous system regulation and understanding our responses, I wasn’t really connecting it to anxiety. I am so grateful we found unschooling though because of the freedom/space we do have to figure this stuff out along the way.
"For someone with anxiety, those possibilities can feel like a threat. Endless choice can be a chokehold. So rather than exploring with wild imagination, the requirement to make decisions can trigger disregulation or even attacks. For me as a parent, this can be overwhelming!"
This is such an important point. I see this a lot in our self directed learning community, especially in those transitioning out of mainstream school or those who find comfort and security from direction and predictability from a supportive adult. Too much choice can cause fatigue and overwhelm. At home and in our learning community we hold a strong rhythm as our backbone to our day, this seems to help those who need more direction yet still feels open and full of choice for those who don't.
Thanks for raising these points, such a valuable take on things as always!
It is a conundrum we are also struggling with - husband wants to know exactly the day before what is going to happen to manage his anxiety around change, autistic eldest likes an idea of what could happen that he can choose from, PDA youngest can’t cope with any structure imposing but can’t decide for himself because of his anxiety. Feels hard to homeschool with all those different anxiety needs and that’s not including the anxiety I feel about ‘not doing it right’. We’re only a few months into our homeschooling journey so still working out what works for us but it seems that freedom and structure both cause issues so hopefully we can find a bit of a middle ground.